Rebecca
I thought the rule was that the mom always takes care of the kid. She brings the cough syrup in the middle of the night and the warm soup when we are in bed. She rubs the sore back or pained legs when the growing pains hit. She wipes the tears and soothes with silence when the heart is broken. Yeah, the rule is that the mom always takes care of the kid.
The other rule is that the mom will always be around. There won't ever come a time when she doesn't answer when you call… whether in person or by phone. There won't ever come a time when she doesn't have the answer to a problem… whether it is what you want to hear or not. There just won't ever come a time when she isn't around.
Of course, cancer doesn't care about rules. It just strikes. It wakes the kid with a blow over the head that knocks fear throughout the entire body. At least, that's what it did to me.
When Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I felt helplessness, fear and anger.
The guilt came later. I felt helpless because I realized that there was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I could do to make her feel better in any way. Prayer was the only vehicle I could use to make a difference. I felt fear because I'd never known a life without my mother. I didn't have any idea how I would function without the ability to hear her voice on the other end of the phone. I didn't have any idea how I would function without the ability to hug her at Christmas or laugh with her at dinner. I didn't have any idea how I would function at all. I felt anger because it wasn't fair that this would happen to MY mom. It wasn't fair.
I felt guilt because I realized that the only way I could cope was to separate myself from her battle. I felt guilty because I tried to keep a normal life at school while her life was anything BUT normal. I felt guilty because I didn't want to stop being a daughter to a mother. I felt guilty because I thought these feelings were selfish. I'd never been faced with this before and no one could have taught me how to feel during this time.
Every kid is going to have his or her own emotions and issues when a mom is diagnosed with cancer. What made things easier for me was basketball and being away from home, in an environment where I could get The Cancer off my mind. I didn't want to talk about it because that would make me think about it. I didn't want to see it, because that would make it real. All I wanted to do was avoid it. And when I avoided it, I felt like I was letting my mom down in some way. It wasn't until months after the diagnosis, when I had a serious talk with my brother and sister, that I realized all of us were feeling these same things. It wasn't until that talk that I realized that these feelings weren't wrong. They were normal. It was OK to have them. It was OK to have some fear. It was OK to feel helpless. It was OK to be angry. And it wasn't necessary to feel guilty.
No person can teach a kid how to feel when mom is diagnosed with cancer. The important thing for the kid to know is that his or her feelings aren't wrong. They are feelings, and they need to be dealt with. They shouldn't be bottled up inside but worked through with someone who can understand. And there is always hope. No matter what, there is always hope through faith!!!
- Rebecca
To find out more about Rebecca, please visit her Web site at www.rebeccalobo.com.
