Rachel
When my mother asked me to write something for this Web site, I thought to myself, what should I write about? What helped me the most to get through such an awful and trying time in my life? And the honest truth is that there is no one concrete answer... and that's OK.
The most difficult concept that I had to deal with was the question, "Is my mother going to die?" I wanted to know all of the facts... what does this low red blood cell thing mean? What does it mean when the lymph nodes are cancerous, too? Why did this have to happen to my mother??? I had so many questions and it seemed liked there were no answers... at least none that I found comforting.
At the time of my mother's diagnosis, I was a senior in college and living on campus, which was about a 2-hour drive from my parent's house. I will have to admit that I often used this distance as an excuse not to go home. When my mother was going through chemotherapy and started feeling sick, I often called and checked in. Many times I had to talk with my father because my mother was sick and couldn't come to the phone. I felt guilty that my mother was home battling for her life, and here I was at school telling myself that "the drive home was just too long or I have work to do and mom probably won't be in the mood to see me anyway." The honest truth was that I didn't want to go home and see my mother. Not because I didn't love her, but because of the fear of what I might see. I knew that she had lost a lot of weight and that her hair had just about completely fallen out. I was afraid to see her this way because for the first time in my life, my mother didn't have all the answers. Whenever I needed advice on something and even when I didn't, my mother always seemed to know what was right and what was wrong. This time, however, it was different.
If there is one thing that I can offer to anyone who is dealing with a parent's battle with cancer, it is to be open with others and most importantly yourself. It is OK to feel scared and to want to cry. It is also OK to talk about the issues with friends, a family member, or someone you trust. Many times you will find out that the person you are talking with has had a similar experience such as yours. Find out more about the disease by talking with your doctor or even accompanying the person battling with cancer to her doctor.
It is never easy to find out that someone you love is sick. What is important is that you let her know how much you love her and that through all of the ups and downs you will be there with her fighting the battle.
- Rachel
