Dennis
During December of 1993 as millions of American families were preparing or celebrating the holiday season, our family was shaken to its very foundations. My wife RuthAnn had medically traveled from the discovery of a suspicious lump in her right breast to a mastectomy and diagnosis of an aggressive cancer that affected her lymph nodes. Each of these revelations hit with triphammer force in the space of two and a half weeks. I felt like a prize fighter who was reeling from one punch to another, desperately trying to regain a sense of balance -- trying to clear my mind and find a focus in my life. It terrified me to think that my wife and soul-mate, a woman who often served as the anchor of our family, was possibly on the verge of being lost to us forever.
Anyone who has ever been involved with cancer as a patient, family member, spouse or health care person will tell you of the myriad of confusing feelings that this disease evokes. I was constantly asking myself how should I react or behave in the presence of my wife and family. Should I be the stoic, facing the challenges and fears in an unemotional manner that might show courage to my children, or should I let them see me weep and peek into the ache that constantly lay heavy on my heart?
It's interesting to note that there are many support groups for women who have breast cancer but there are not many for husbands, sons, or brothers of breast cancer victims. It was not until years later as I talked to other men that I shared the sorrow of shopping alone in a supermarket wondering if my shopping cart would only be half full in a few years. Some, like me, can no longer listen to country-western music with its often plaintive lost -love lyrics without weeping unabashedly. I'm thankful today that when I walk through the door, RuthAnn can look at me and say "you've been listening to Country again, haven't you? If it upsets you that much, TURN IT OFF!!!!"
It is our hope that this Web site can help those who are dealing with this dread disease. Breast cancer can rob us of many things but hopefully not the willingness to reach out to others.
- Den
